Anxiety and panic attacks ten months after moving overseas

Hello my beautiful Canadian people!

It has been my dream to move to New Zealand for more years than I can remember. After six years of serious planning, I finally made the move last January. I should point out that prior to this move, I lived my entire life (27 years) in Ottawa and spent the past 23 years sheltered in academia. My strong support network of friends was comprised of people I had known for upward of 20 years. Everything that was routine and familiar is back in Ottawa. I'm accustomed to seeing my mother only once a year, but my father, twin sister and best friends were part of my daily life.

For the first nine months in New Zealand, I was incredibly happy. After exploring the country for a couple of months, I settled on the east coast of the north island to work. It was there that I met my current partner five months ago. This is a man who I can see myself spending the rest of my life with - he is everything I have ever wanted and more. One month ago, I started having panic attacks accompanied by a nearly constant state of anxiety. I think I am starting to process the reality of the situation: if this becomes a permanent move, then when will I be able to see my family again, where will I raise a family of my own, etc. I am having trouble adapting to the overwhelming changes that I have recently made in my life and I think that I'm also mourning the loss of my former life back home.

I was wondering if any of you who have been far from home for a prolonged period of time experienced anxiety in the initial year or two after moving? If so, how long did it take you to adapt and start to see your new surroundings as "home"? How did you manage to adapt and integrate yourself into society? I would greatly appreciate any advice anyone has to offer. Thanks!! xx

Tena koe,

Being an older poster & one that has lived in several countries for long stretches, including NZ & OZ (with a Canadian wife & a young child at that time), I can understand what you are going through.

The Kiwi's say that everywhere other than NZ is far away - even Australia.

Those that end up in NZ that are from the EU or North America, can often be heard saying 'that back home is so far away'.

A general comment - for those that emigrate to far off wonderful places such as NZ, some folks may get what we use to call 'home sickness' - something I think that may tie in to what your panic attack symptom is or it could be simply you adjusting.

On your opening post, you said it was your dream to live in NZ - planned it for six years. You've done that, after 10-months you pressumably like it & have taken that leap one step further with the man of your dreams.

It may not help you much - but, here are my thoughts for you from my own personal experience

1. The adjustment period is at least two years - you must try to settle down & remind yourself of this, keep the fond memories of back home ... & try with each passing day to become part & parcel of your surroundings.

2. Don't whinge & complain about what is wrong with NZ life or compare it to back-home. Keep in CONSTANT contact with your family & friends in Canada, but do not let them tell you to come back - that is only something you can decide.

3. Sometimes it helps if you have family & frends come visit you & then, only after your two years stay in NZ make the holiday visit back-home.

You have a lifetime ahead of you to travel to far more many places & do many more things.

Ten years from now all of your present anxiety will be a blur & you'll probably wonder why you were so panicky

One day at a time (the Kiwi way) ... two years from when you first arrived in NZ (14 months from now) will seem like yesterday - looking back

You are living in one of the better countries in NZ, which a lot of people would envy you for & to be in your shoes.

All the best to you

Hi Portico,

First off, I am so sorry for my delayed response! I thought I would receive an email notification when somebody had responded to my message and when I didn't receive one (it's possible my junk mail ate it... ), I assumed nobody had responded.

Thank you SO much for your thoughtful (and insightful!!) response to my post. You've given me some excellent advice.

I think you're right - I think it will just be a matter of time and allowing myself to adapt to my new environment. Adjusting to living overseas can be very difficult, especially if the life you've left back in your home country was a happy one. It's been hard for me to deal with the fact that my former way of life is over - I've moved onto a new chapter of my life. Through reading and counselling, I've come to realize that my panic attacks may be a symptom of grief and that I may be mourning my old life. They may also be a symptom of fear; I'm scared, not only because of the physical distance from "home", but also because of the number of significant life changes that have happened in such a short period of time - I've never been good at dealing with change, and I think that my subconscious may be having trouble coping. There may be a little post traumatic stress thrown in there from the Christchurch earthquake, just for good measure... But whatever the cause, I think you're right - I need to give it time. I never realized the adjustment period was so long, and I just wish I was settled right now - but then I suppose I would be missing out on the opportunity to learn new coping mechanisms and grow as a person.

I will do my best to remain calm, trust in my ability to cope, and be patient (and trust me as a Taurus, that is not easy!! ). Thank you again!

Hi
I lived in Ottawa till I was 25 before moving to the UK where I have lived since (London). A very close friend that I made when I first came to the UK was originally from NZ. She moved back there after about 25 years in the UK. Initially she and one of her daughters could NOT settle there while the other younger child and her husband were OKish with it. They decided after 4 months to come back to the UK even selling the house that they had bought. However, following a family pow wow they decided to give it a bit longer with the result that they have now been there about 10 years. My friend moved there for a `safer' better life for her children. The older girl did not settle and came back to the UK after a couple of years but after 6 months she realized that life was better in NZ and went `home'.
It does take a long time for most people to settle in a new country especially if it very different to the one you have left. I visit Ottawa at least twice a year and I think that although NZ is very different to Canada there are a number of similarities in that Ottawa is generally a quiet place compared to places like Toronto or London UK. However, although my friend is resigned to staying in NZ she never really settled unlike her husband and children.
Do give yourself time to settle in but be brave and if after your 2 year settling in period you are still not sure consider all your options. It is much harder to make plans when you have a partner and children to consider. Family and friends are one of the most important things in life and committing to living half way around the world from them is a big decision.
Good Luck.