Anyone get cold feet before they move?

Hi,

I'm moving to Scotland in a couple of months to be with my boyfriend, who I met while he was on a working visa in Vancouver. I was really excited about it up until I actually got my visa last week and then the reality of the situation seemed to sink in. I started to focus on not what I was going to--a new country, my boyfriend, new experiences, but rather all that I was leaving behind--my friends, my family, my job, etc. It's gotten so bad that I can't even remember why I wanted to move there in the first place.

Has anyone else experienced this type of feeling? Is this normal and will it go away? I don't want to pick up my whole life and move over there if I am feeling this uncertain about things, but if I know that it's a normal feeling and that most people have trepidation about such a big move then it will help to allay my fears.

I had a mini meltdown two days AFTER I quit my job to come to Cayman . I was going alone, to a place I'd never been to, where I didn't know a soul and that had a different culture. I went because I told myself that 1) I would forever regret it if I didn't at least try it out and 2) You can always come home.

Your boyfriend will be there for you I am sure. Also, everything will be new and exciting (and scary too!) for the first little while. You will have ups and downs. Soon, you will meet people, you will get into a routine. Your friends and family will come visit. I've been told it takes anywhere from 6 to 18 months to settle into a new place, so be patient! If it's still not working out for you, you will have gained a great experience, met new people, broadened your horizons and maybe you can convince the boy to try it out in Canada

Yeah, it is normal, people don't like a change of routine. I've done this so many times now I expect it and I know how to deal with it. The trick is to simply focus on all the positives and none of the negatives.

I'd rather do something with my life than be a humdrum automaton who never tries anything different.

My personal experience is that it takes you a year to really settle down somewhere new because for the first year you're thinking in terms of days, weeks and months and you're not quite sure what to expect from the weather. It takes several years though to really feel 100% at home, at least imx. Although I've done this several times now, so I think I'm getting used to my life being turned upside down!

The only real negative is the old saying: "you can never go home again". Because if you ever do go home time will have passed and you will have changed in different ways to the people from where you lived.

Like for example I can't really explain to people in Florida what -50 feels like and I can't really explain to people here what a category 5 hurricane feels like.

It's a stressful situation, and a huge decision and change to make in your life. You just have to focus on the positives and not the unknown/uncontrollable aspects of what is going to happen. I've done it a few times, and I think my major break down was when I was moving my stuff from my hotel room to my new flat by myself, since the person whom was supposed to help didn't show. So I was carrying all of this stuff by myself in the rain back and forth between my new place and this hotel, getting sworn at by a homeless man because I was broke and didn't have any money to give him. I kinda broke down and cried and just wanted to go home.

But you get through it and you move on. There are no absolutes, and you are never going to be 100% sure about your decision, but that is part of the adventure.
Just take it moment by moment, and as long as you can afford a plane ticket home you'll be okay.

I gave up a great job, beloved pets, my whole life and world and put my house up for sale to move to Australia (where I had never been)with my boyfriend who's from here.(After all this he says he thinks he wants to move back to Canada in a few years hahahhaha, he's homesick too). I have missed everything and everyone I left behind but I am glad I am here. It is hard but you find a job and create a new life and it's a slow process but like the other person said "you can always go home". I don't know how long you have been together? For us it was 2.5 years before the move and he is great support. If you are so doubtful just plan to go for a year. Then it's not so permanent and if you hate it, go home Just relax You'll be alright!

No, you're not alone Scotlandbound, that's for sure!

Whether you're moving to the next town over, or to the other side of the world, you're always moving to the unknown, and leaving behind everything that to this point in your life made you You. It hurts, its scary and very daunting.

But, you'll live! And Canada will always be there when you want to go back

Hey Scotlandbound,
If I could offer one word of advice for after you move it would be to give yourself GRACE in the first months. You can expect to go through a bit of a "honeymoon phase" and be in awe at all the great new experiences. But when you start feeling "dumb in general" and that you don't fit in, don't stress out. Things will be different: You might feel like you can't communicate properly (English perhaps, but not all the terms and jargon we use here will be different), you don't know enough about the local culture to get the jokes, you might even feel like your cooking skills have evaporated (different ingredients and local tastes), you may be job hunting for a while. That is when to remind yourself that you are gaining an understanding that many Canadians will never have. That is also when to be kind to yourself and let yourself make mistakes.
Take heart!

Blessings on you,
Allyssa

I hate moving myself, it's the thought of "resettling". BUt it's just the jitters. You'll get over it, just have to figure out how to blend in.

I just checked this and was surprised by the number of really thoughtful, caring responses! Thanks to everyone who gave words of wisdom/experience. I'm still feeling nervous but it helps a lot to know that other people felt the same way.

I can relate to much of what people talked about--for example, when I was visiting Scotland recently I felt like I was missing out on jokes that everyone else found hilarious because I didn't catch the jargon or the cultural references, which made me feel isolated from the group. Those feelings, along with the fact that I couldn't find familiar food items, or know how to cross the street (yes, even that was tough to figure out!), etc, made me realize just how different life would be over there, which was contributing to my anxiety over moving.

I think as long as I give myself some "grace" and don't put too much pressure on myself to fit in right away I should be fine. I also 'fessed up to my boyfriend about my cold feet and he's offered a lot of encouragement and support, so hopefully that will help too. Anyway, thanks for sharing some of your experiences.

I moved to Edinburgh a month ago for a university-exchange and it took me several weeks to establish a routine. By now, though, I'm really starting to love the city, and I think that'll be even easier for you since you've visited already and since you'll be moving here once the days are longer and the weather is better!

Moving anywhere new, as everyone else said, does take a lot of courage. I've certainly had days when all I wanted to do was fly back to British Columbia and crawl into bed. But I'm sticking it out, and finding that my patience is being rewarded more and more frequently. There is SO much history here, and SO much culture, and being so close to the rest of Europe really opens up the possibilities for travel.

I agree with the others; just don't stress yourself out by trying to understand and process everything all at once. Let it come naturally, for as long as it takes to adjust. Jargon and local foods come easily enough; every visitor's guide to Scotland that I've seen has a glossary of common local terms. Make a list of things you're looking forward to here (and enjoying the company of your boyfriend full-time is a very valid example!); that'll help in the interim. It's really great that you and your boyfriend have discussed the fact that you're a bit anxious about the move. Keep relying on him for support where necessary.

If you're ever homesick once here, there are also other Canadians to be found (alongside people from all over the world, especially in the larger cities). A few international newsstands even have the Globe and Mail! Not to mention that the Internet and its familiarity are a real source of comfort sometimes. Just don't use it so much that you deny yourself the chance to get out and see everything over here!