Debating between moving to Shanghai or Dhaka

[Jausman]

Dannykool asked: "The point is, how long can one tolerate this staring? How do you go about doing things if this so called uncontrollable, intense curiosity does not go away?"

The length of my assignment (2 years) and not a day longer. It is also the main reason why westerners long for weekends away in Bangkok every few months. John

[kene]

i like the kate moss analogy, but it's far more excessive than it needs to be. If you saw a north american indigenous person walking around Toronto in traditional attire, you might stare, as you might if you saw a punk on queen st. with 30 bits of steel sticking out of there face. The best way to reduce the staring is to blend in - especially for women. If you insist on wearing western clothing, you might "feel" that it's normal, but it's not normal, it's foreign. Spend the $5.00 a Bangladeshi 3 piece costs, and you will almost vanish.

i did mention that you learn a different kind of privacy. one thing that deals with it nicely is to simply and firmly say 'hello, is there any problem? ok thank you, have a nice day and be on your way, my wife and i here for a picnic and not for your entertainment.' you might get some snarly remarks, but the crowd will usually dissipate. Of course, you might not want to say "picnic" cause that would be totally unheard of. Why would anyone want to act like homeless people when they don't have too. (at least, that's how it looks to them).
Another trick if you are in a particularly bad mood and you want to be left alone, is pick up a few phrases in german or french and respond with that, they expect every foreigner speaks english, and some are hoping for a free english lesson, when they discover you don't speak english, they will leave you be - you're not gunna help them anyway.

Besides, there are plenty of places where you can go in Dhaka and not get stared at, i used to go to Gulshan park for a walk in the morning, and we never had any problems. There are other parks, where you might see a few children, tell them to go away, buy 3 or 4 murri or peanuts, say "that's all" and they will quickly leave.

There are also many other places to Go. Words & pages in Gulshan has a nice lounge upstairs, and just up the street in the Grameen centre is a Coffee World that's pretty deserted most of the time, the staff will serve you like royalty, but leave you alone once you've got your order. A&W hamburgers nobody there will notice you, and i've been known to sit and enjoy a waffle for a couple hours without anyone thinking i've overstayed.

I won't go on, just restate what I've said before, it's a different culture, if you are expecting Toronto "don't look anyone in the eye or they might kill you" attitude, then stay in Toronto. If you are open to a new culture, it's a wonderful experience, and quickly you'll develop a strategy which will allow you all the privacy you want, while taking advantage of the unique experience of a totally different culture.

[Jausman]

Don't patronize me, Kene. I have lived more than half my live overseas and in every part of the world. I do not go abroad "expecting Toronto".

I don't know what your motivations are for seeing Bangladesh through rose-coloured glasses, but I can assure you that in my two-year experience Bangladeshis never walked away simply because I asked them to; speaking to them in any language only fed their curiosity. Moreover any gift - even peanuts - usually doubled or tripled the crown instantly since westerners are seen as the source of all wealth.

[kene]

Sorry to sound patronizing.
I don't much like the coldness of Canada - and not just the weather. I have been living in Bangladesh now for 2 years now, i lived here in 1999/2000 for 8 months it was a very different experience, lot more staring, lot more hassle with Hartels every other week, sidewalks were a mess, roads always jammed up at any hour of the day, the smog and pollution at times unbearable.
A lot's has changed between then and now. There are a lot more foreigners which might be why the staring isn't so bad. I notice that i've stopped staring at foreigners myself, just not so strange to see a Bidenshi anymore, i've also noticed that other foreigners aren't so friendly - it used to be when i saw someone else with white skin it was much like meeting an old friend, now everyone just walks past with their eyes to the ground! I am married to a Bangladeshi girl, and many people assume she's a servant who gives benefits. It awful what they will say to her, but my wife will tell them to mind their own business, and that's respected. I've met more punks in Canada who will cause trouble for a passing stranger for no reason and they are not so easily dissuaded. In my experience the majority of starers are just curious friendly people. Two Australian girls who have been staying with us for the past 3 months have their own "game" they play with the starers, and they seem to enjoy it.

I agree, there are times when one just needs to "get away from it all" and there are plenty of ways to do that. There are the many "clubs" if one has the right visa and get's membership. Any higher than average quality restaurant (and there are plenty) there are decent coffee shops, and even if you go to a decent coffee shop, the owner will gladly shoe away curiosity seekers if it means your business.

I strongly recommend a village trip or two with a local family you get to know. I've been to many villages around the country - and certainly there are points where the staring is worse in the villages, but once you are on private property and settled, nobody will bother you that's not invited.

We went to the tea estates in Sylette, at least 6 of us foreigners, and we had a lovely walk around the gardens without anyone hassling us, in fact the few we people we did come across, having a bath a pond, quickly moved along as we approached.

I'm sorry to hear you really didn't have a good experience here. It takes some getting used to, and it takes a degree of determination to get over the culture differences. But i honstly think that it's worth the effort to discover this totaly different way of life, and to see a country that is trying to hard to establish itself and create for itself a better life.

[Jausman]

Fair enough. You have every right to like a place as I do to dislike one. Just like a gourmet can like or dislike a restaurant without his reputation being impugned. John

[kene]

We just decide that for the begining of my stay I will stay at a Hotel so I was wandering if you have any tip on where I can get the best rate. Last time I was staying at the Westin and I liked it very much.

Is there any guesthouse with foreigner standard I shall look in to it?

I keep thinking to answer this, but fail too.
There are a lots of hotels in Banani which i can only assume are WAY less than Westin. (that is THE best hotel in Dhaka now). Recommended by friends of mine is Hotel DeCastle - they have an office in the airport, it's a beautiful but very small hotel off the main road but not far from a few good amenities.
There are two guest houses on Road 18 in Banani, i looked into "the Royal Inn" and was told by the manager that the hotel's duty was to provide me with anything i wanted, i mean "anything". bit scary that. There is also the Pacific Guest house.

Hotel Sweet dream is a big hotel on the main road, and I'd love to know what that's like! Similarly Hotel Serina. Both have restaurants and are probably a bit more costly.

Other Area's of Dhaka, but not tooo far away:
The Dhaka Regency across from Kilkett and very close to the airport - a bit expensive if their restaurant is any judge.
Similarly the Radison Water Garden on Airport Road just past Baridhara D.O.H.S. a 4 star and rather expensive restaurant, they have a really nice buffet - if you are willing to pay out the $20/person.
There

hope that helps.

[Mainone]

Thanks for the info. I guess my best move will to go see with my own eyes and make the decision from there.
I shall be there in week or so. This is quite exciting.

[nosralr]

Hi there Kene,

Seems you have been to the Tea Estates in Sylette and have travelled around a little. Just wondering if you know of a few good retreats around the countryside where a person could go for a quiet break. Say, like for 3-5 days. I know where are tons of places that charge a top $, which I have enjoyed from time to time, bust just wondering if you have any addresses/contacts, etc of some places that wouldn't hurt the wallet.

Many thanks.