Disappointed with hubbys thoughts on moving

stprdi
New Member



Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 8
Location: BC

Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 9:22 am

 

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I thought we were a "go" for moving to the UK. I have dual citizenship so it would have been an easy move for us. My hubby dropped a bomb on me by saying he just does not want to go. We have visited there a few times. He just feels that he could not cope, weather I guess is number 1, lack of in home conveniences like we're used to in Canada, getting around. I was heart broken. How have you all found the adjustment to living in the UK. I'm hoping to change his mind. I'd like to experience it even short term.

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riverfox
Senior Member


Meow meow meow

Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 116
Location: Brighton

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 10:08 am

 

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I completely understand how you feel. My boyfriend felt the same way about moving to canada. He felt the culture shock would be too much for him. So I'm moving to the UK.

I love the UK, but I love Canada as well so it wasn't an easy decision. I quite honestly didn't have much of a problem adjusting to living there ( I lived there for a year or two before moving back to canada for a bit ). It's just different, in some instances very very different, and for some people it takes alot more adjusting than others.

Your husband is perfectly entitled to feel how he feels about the subject just as you're entitled to feel as you do about it. The important thing is to figure out what exactly he has a problem with and find an acceptable work around if possible.

I found the weather in the UK not dissimilar to that of BC especially if you live near the southern coast, and depending on which town you live in transportation is actually easier! I'm not sure what sort of conveniences he feels that he would be without, but while I did miss certain things about Canada, I found that there are an equal number of things that I missed about the UK once I had left.

There will always be those moments when you move to another country that you think to yourself 'what am I doing? I just want to go home!' but it's about having supportive people around you both in the new country and back home.

I think it all comes down to what both of you want and how much you are willing to compromise. I mean if he really really doesn't want to go there is no way you are going to convince him to move. However if he's just afraid of some of the differences maybe you can work on it.

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stprdi
New Member



Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 8
Location: BC

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 10:22 am

 

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Thanks for the reply. I haven't actually been able to get the real reason out of him. We've visited a few times, visited relatives there. Think he's basing his feelings on what he's seen. I know there's bigger modern homes out there, we've just had no reason to look at them until now. I had hopes of moving to the south, Cornwall or area down there. Guess another trip is in order which I of course am not opposed to. Where abouts did you live?

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riverfox
Senior Member


Meow meow meow

Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 116
Location: Brighton

Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:39 am

 

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I was living in Brighton, which is where I'll be when I move back in March. I don't imagine the climate in Cornwall would be too too much different.

I do think another trip is a good idea but I wouldn't go with the idea of convincing him that moving there is the best idea ever. It should be more about the two of your connecting and enjoying each other, and in the process maybe you showing him a little bit of what england has to offer.

I'm sure he has reasons he feels very strongly about and are valid, what you need to do is let him know how his rejection of the idea made you feel, and how confused you are over why he does not want to move back.

IF you are to convince him I think it's going to take some time and understanding on your part. The way my boyfriend feels about canada is that it's foreign and alien, with these vast spread out spaces and the only way I can think of getting him to see it as something other than that is to bring him back every now and again to visit and maybe become used to the way things are here.

The thing is visiting is very different from living in a place.

I didn't like the houseing or the flats in the UK, I still don't, even though my boyfriend and I are in the process of letting out a very nice flat. It's just a different way of life.

Keep in mind this is all advice from someone who doesn't know you well. It's your life and your decisions just do what you can to make it work for you.

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mari-mac
Senior Member



Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 94
Location: U.K.

Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 9:01 am

 

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What about making a temporary move? Tell yourselves that you will try it out for a year, and if one of you isn't happy then you'll move back. Obviously this would depend on your ties to Canada - like if you own property, etc.

I think that if you try to find a solution for each issue he comes up with, he'll just find another excuse - so you need to find out what is at the heart of the issue.

There are a lot of differences to Canada to get used to - and if he's not willing to try, then he could be miserable here (there are past messages on the board from people who are unhappy) but if you're willing to deal with the differences, you can be happy. For instance, dealing with banking is very different here - you could sit and moan that they aren't open on Saturdays and how is someone who works supposed to get to a bank, or you put up with it and learn to work around it.
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Steven
CanuckAbroad VIP



Joined: 28 Sep 2007
Posts: 1637
Location: Calgary

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:53 am

 

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Just because they look old doesn't mean they don't have "in home" conveniences. What the heck is he on about? It's not like everyone runs all their washing through a mangle or something.

My sister moved to the US from the UK and she was absolutely dumbstruck that people put all their washing in a dryer even when it was thirty degrees outside!

The only really major difference is that the houses are much smaller for the money.

Cornwall is a big destination for retirees, that's my big moan about it, the traffic in Truro and St Austell especially during the summer is terrible.

And the weather? So he enjoys never-ending rain during the winter then, does he? I think he's got his view of the UK from watching the TV, the weather in Cornwall is pretty good.

My main complaints about the UK are that it's just too cramped and expensive. Which are probably the main reasons I left. If you haven't got the money, then no, don't move.

You might want to think about Northern Ireland, it's not as cramped and it's also cheaper. Or the Isle of Man, the Isle of Man has the lowest population density of any jurisdiction in Europe, and the taxes are really low. However, you have to get work authorisation to work there, although British citizens can reside there indefinitely. (But the weather sucks - no speed limit though, he might like that).
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Deus
CanuckAbroad VIP



Joined: 16 Sep 2004
Posts: 227
Location: Wrecsam

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 10:59 am

 

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I'll be back home in 10 years.
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