Missing home

If you think 4 years is a long time, try 18 years, your mother is from there (Louisiana-Mississippi Choctaw) your Canadian side of the family is all dead, you're being mistaken for an American everywhere you go, because you're First Nations are getting treated like "nigger" everywhere you go (check out Harlem or the Bronx if you don't know what I mean!) your mother's side of the family is not allowing you to register with Indian Affairs to get your benefits to go to college on, and the only part of the entire country where you can get any relief from all that is the city limits of San Francisco, 7 square miles of sanity.
Now I have noticed that most Canadians who go to the States and get treated like Americans don't mind as much, but they are not the First Nations ones. Only visible minorities in the States get treated like dirt. So when I say "getting mistaken for American" like it's a BAD thing, when you're First Nations getting mistaken for "nigger" everywhere you go, England included, that's what I mean. The women at the Canadian Embassy here in London caught on almost immediately to what I'm talking about.
So if you've only been there 4 years, you're lucky. After 18 years of being treated "like American" I'm ready for a PADDED CELL.

Oh God, I would love to have some Tims right now!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't realize how common my feelings are - I've been here almost 5 years, am planning to marry my American gf (who for career and family reasons would never move with me to Canada) and am deeply torn about my life choice. Before I moved here I was never much for Canuck nationalism but now...

I wonder if I've simply built up a rose-coloured image of my home and native land in my mind. I certainly remember never feeling like I could get ahead there, watching the medical system fail my grandfather, the endless East/West bickering, etc., but from my position now, facing the prospect of never being able to move home, and raising kids who will pronounce the last letter of the alphabet funny, who won't grow up watching CBC... As the opening subject of this thread said, I miss home.

Glad I found this site. A support group for displaced Canadians.