Dealing with mixed marriage problems

Dealing with mixed marriage problems

When boy meets girl, or vice versa, many of us would like to believe that love can conquer all. We'd like to think that there will be no major problems or issues during the love affair. But when you fall in love with someone in the country that you've just moved to, things can get a little more difficult. Not only are trying to blend two lives; you're trying to blend two worlds.

There is something to be said for the power of love. That attraction can help to carry your confidence in each other and in your future, which makes the misunderstandings seem all the less important. Assuming that you've already gotten to the point of marriage, you've probably already dealt with the typical early relationship stresses: differences of opinions and families, for example. But this is just the beginning.

Once you're in a marriage, there can be cultural expectations of what each partner's role will be. And while you might already adhere to those roles, there can be couples who do not fit these roles, nor had they ever during the relationship. But for whatever reason, the couple's families still believe that they will change. Add to this the differences in cultural practices and mixed marriages can sometimes seem more trouble than they're worth.

This is where it can get tricky. You don't want to offend any of the family members, but at the same time, you want to have the relationship that you want to have. For example, the feeling that a woman should want to stay at home to raise lots of children is a universal longing for many families, but more women are looking for children-free, career-filled lives. And this can cause disputes in the family. With the added issue of language barriers, there can be misunderstandings and bitterness at family gatherings.

But the only real way to clear up the problems is to talk about them and come to a sort of understanding about what you will and will not be doing in your life. Sometimes, families just want to hear what the future will bring so that they know what to expect of a relationship. By avoiding the discussion, you might be inadvertently raising their hopes. Have the conversation that tells family members what you agreed to in your marriage - whether they agree or not is not something that you can control, but letting them know the truth is something that they can respect. Or at least, will respect in time.

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