What If Your Spouse Isn’t Moving With You?
While it doesn’t happen often, it does happen more frequently in recent years – one spouse is offered a job in another country, but the other has a job that needs to be done in their hometown. This separation of partners can be trying and difficult, but when you’re prepared for this extreme change, you can keep your relationships strong, even when you’re thousands of miles apart from each other.
One of the first things you will need to do is talk about this life change. This is a huge change in your current life arrangement and everyone’s feelings and needs should be discussed. If the transfer is something that can not be avoided, you will want to set goals of when one spouse is going to moving back or going to change jobs again, or you need to figure out how and if your relationship will still work with these plans in mind. However, in this day of air travel and the internet, you can stay connected and in constant contact with each other, making the months alone a little more bearable.
The actual move is going to be tricky in terms of dividing up the things that one person will take and what the other will keep. Things like important documents can stay in their secure place, but scans and copies should be taken along as a precaution. If you’re certain that you need specific documents, be sure to get registered copies made before you actually move, just in case one gets lost and needs to be replaced. In terms of furniture and other larger items, it might be simpler for the person moving overseas to purchase new items once they arrive in their new home, or rent a home that is already furnished. As for clothing and other items, these can be easily shipped should the one that moves need them in the future.
In terms of keeping your relationship strong during this difficult time, you will want to set up a schedule of communication that you can both stick with. This might mean that you call each other every night at a particular time or on the weekends at a certain time, with emails, letters, and packages in the meantime. For holidays and anniversaries, you will want to plan out now how you plan to celebrate them so that you both have something to look forward to. You can also begin to make travel plans to visit each other on other weekends and special occasions.
While it might seem odd at first to be separated from your spouse or partner, you can make things work with constant communication. Get a webcam or a video phone so that you can see each other when you’re talking. And if you are having problems with the separation, be sure to tell the other person and talk about how you can help to make things easier.
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